It’s bittersweet. As a single mother for eight years, I’ve dreamed of my independence…the day I would be free from the responsibility of my children.
Here I sit on an airplane, my grown, adult son ready to set off to college in another state, Colorado. I’m sad, anxious and sad again that I am “losing” my second child to another place, far away.
Yet, isn’t this what I’ve been waiting for…my freedom?!
No, it’s bittersweet.
We want our kids to grow up, be independent…but that departure, the loss of your last child is horrifying. After-all, isn’t that how we parents define ourselves for so long…21 years in my case and eight of those long years by myself. We are a parent, a mother or a father. And now, while they may still need us, the daily requests for breakfast, lunch, dinner, cuddling and other simple pleasures are gone. Instead, we long for the touch, the hug, the need.
So, here I am…on a flight to send off my youngest offspring. “I want to live in Aspen,” he says. Well, so do I! He’ll be in a college where he can snowboard during the day and take classes at night. I want that!
Instead, I have to release my children and let them live, grow up, feel pain and pleasure, to find their own independence. As do I.
So, what do I do?! There is no one to guide ME. I’m on my own…while my parents are still alive at 85 and 86 years old, they aren’t concerned about my whereabouts. Where am I to go?!
Across the Bay Bridge, to a city that raised me…a place that I’ve been longing for, San Francisco.
What will I find? Comfort, peace, sanity, my home in the city-by-the-bay. The next chapter begins…