My Journey to Independence

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It’s bittersweet.  As a single mother for eight years, I’ve dreamed of my independence…the day I would be free from the responsibility of my children.

Here I sit on an airplane, my grown, adult son ready to set off to college in another state, Colorado. I’m sad, anxious and sad again that I am “losing” my second child to another place, far away.

 

Yet, isn’t this what I’ve been waiting for…my freedom?!

No, it’s bittersweet.

We want our kids to grow up, be independent…but that departure, the loss of your last child is horrifying.  After-all, isn’t that how we parents define ourselves for so long…21 years in my case and eight of those long years by myself.  We are a parent, a mother or a father. And now, while they may still need us, the daily requests for breakfast, lunch, dinner, cuddling and other simple pleasures are gone.  Instead, we long for the touch, the hug, the need.

So, here I am…on a flight to send off my youngest offspring.  “I want to lImageive in Aspen,” he says.  Well, so do I!  He’ll be in a college where he can snowboard during the day and take classes at night.  I want that!

Instead, I have to release my children and let them live, grow up, feel pain and pleasure, to find their own independence. As do I.

So, what do I do?!  There is no one to guide ME.  I’m on my own…while my parents are still alive at 85 and 86 years old, they aren’t concerned about my whereabouts.  Where am I to go?!

Across the Bay Bridge, to a city that raised me…a place that I’ve been longing for, San Francisco.

What will I find? Comfort, peace, sanity, my home in the city-by-the-bay. The next chapter begins…

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2 comments

  1. You never let go, even when they leave your nest, you have that wonderful connection.

  2. Katie Stacer Frank · · Reply

    Molly, I went thru that in 2007 with my daughter.even tho just down the road to Lewis & Clark in Portland for 4 year (oh and Ecuador for a semester).it was the hardest thing in my life. You are happy, but you are sad, you wonder what they are up to, why they dont call, you feel like you need ot be there, but if you are too much they will push you away and then you will have tears… let them fly, sit back dont call until they call you. Call sometimes, send a care package at intervals… ask when you can come visit (later after they have been there awhile), don’t be too eager to come visit. it scares them….my step son left the same year form our house off to Military Academy and to sail the world…. same thing with my hubby and his son… it is hard to worry, but they appreciate it in a couple of years….. this advice comes from a mother of one only daughter (now 24, living in boise), who has raised 2 step sons (now 24 and 26) and 3 of her daughter’s half sisters my first marriage…. its complicated…but I learned, I cried, I learned to let them grow up….it was hard for me, but they have done well and I am so proud to be their mom, stepmom and such…. dont worry you will be fine…..call me if you need to ….. 🙂 Katie

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